• Safety Tips:
• Community Safety: From the Heart
• School Safety: Teaching Tolerance Grant Funds
• Question & Answers:
• Statistics: Living with Terror at Home
• One Opinion: Open to Discussion
  

Our hearts go out to all the children whose families are suffering because of the acts of terrorism onSeptember 11, 2001. Some lost parents or other family members. Others will live with parents suffering from Post Traumatic Stress symptoms, including perhaps those who lived formerly in a war torn nation, or a veteran, or others who have suffered previous horrific losses, and these children may need extra support from outside their families.

Most children will live in families that are simply struggling with how to "return to normal," but our "normal' will be different from what it was. Let us figure out together how to teach our children to be tolerant and loving, and secure while facing the challenges we now foresee. We need to be careful not to instill undue terror in their lives, as we grapple as adults with how to deal with protecting them.

Just as we learn skills to keep them safer from abduction, and molestation, we will learn in time how to keep them safer from terrorists. TheWorldTradeCenterattack was a day when the world felt the terror that so many children feel in their own lives, in abusive situations, and the sadness too. May our hearts remain open to the pain of all children who are hoping to find an open and loving, safe place to grow up.

School Safety:

In light of the horrific events of Sept. 11, 2001, we are repeating our September school safety tip because we believe it is so important for everyone to help create ways of teaching tolerance.

The Teaching Tolerance Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center offers grants of up to $2,000 for K-12 classroom teachers for implementing tolerance projects in their schools and communities. Proposals from other educators such as community organizations and churches will be considered on the basis of direct student impact.

For details visit: http://splcenter.org/teachingtolerance/tt-5.html

Got a Creative Idea?

The Teaching Tolerance Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center offers grants of up to $2,000 for K-12 classroom teachers for implementing tolerance projects in their schools and communities. Proposals from other educators such as community organizations and churches will be considered on the basis of direct student impact.

For details visit: http://splcenter.org/teachingtolerance/tt-5.html

Question from a Reader, and Our Answer:

Q. My ten-year-old son has recently begun to suck his thumb, after many years of not sucking it, and he has come into our bed during a recent thunderstorm. He seems really unhappy, and has even avoided his best friend lately. We are very concerned. Could this be a reaction to the events of Sept. 11th?

A. Yes, but don't assume that is all it is. There may be something else troubling him, and you need to try to discuss what it may be with him. Regressive behaviors are often a reaction to trauma. Tell him, gently, what you are observing from his behavior and that you are concerned something has occurred. Probe a bit, and either he will open up or he will get particularly upset. Try again, keeping your ears open to what seems to hit a nerve.

He needs your patience, and information on what to do if he has a problem he doesn't know how to handle, or shouldn't handle alone. Reassure him that you will be able to find a solution together.

Parents should be aware that reactions to trauma might not show up for several days or even weeks later. Do not hesitate to contact a mental health worker for advice, because they often have specialized training and experience dealing with these behaviors.

* For more details on children's responses to disaster and how you can respond to them, visit http://www.omh.state.ny.us/omhweb/crisis/crisiscounseling3.html

Statistics:

"Each year, an estimated 3.3 million (American) children witness their mothers or female caretakers being abused."

Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 11.

"A battered woman who is not a legal resident, or whose immigration status depends on her partner, is isolated by cultural dynamics which may prevent her from leaving her husband or seeking assistance from the legal system. These factors contribute to the higher incidence of abuse among immigrant women."

Orloff et al., WithNo Placeto Turn: Improving Advocacy for Battered Immigrant Women, Family Law Quarterly, vol. 29, no. 2, 313 (Summer 1995).

One Opinion, Open for Discussion:

This is confusing time. As much as the WTC attack brought fear intoAmerica, it also seems to remind many people to look around them, prioritize, and take the time to care about their families and neighborhoods. It may not be that people are as afraid to travel as theyare just appreciating being home. We have learned about how to teach our children about "Stranger Danger," but the terrorist acts have taken it to a whole new level. Yet, we are also struggling not to teach prejudice at the same time.

"A Stranger is anyone you don't know," no matter what he or she look like. The only way to get to know if they are dangerous is to get to know them. And that is our job as parents, not something we can leave in the hands of our children. Yet, in our hopes of being safe, think how often we allow our children to go off on their bikes, making friends with children several blocks away, whom we don't know at all.

It is time we take the time to meet their families. Chances are high that they are good neighbors, people we will be grateful to know in times of trouble like when the power lines are down. But the time has come to stop rushing through our lives, taking chances that our children's friends come from safe families. We need to take a few minutes and stop by. Ask them the usual things, and throw in the question, "Do you have a gun in the house? Is it locked up safely?" We all need to keep our eyes open to see who lives near us, to take care of our community rather than just take the chance it might be safe. While individually we cannot prevent terrorists, we can accept the responsibility of knowing if there is a family in danger through abuse, through neglect, through meanness, and help all the children involved.

FYI, there is a good site that reminds us all of some solid "stranger danger" skills. Visit it at: http://www.fhpd.co.st-clair.il.us/cpfpd1.htm

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